Jake and Taylor Brigham

It’s been a while since I have posted, and so much has happened! I wanted to talk about stuff, but wasn't ready I guess. it is  apart of our story and one day will be turned into a book for the kids once Jake retires. so this is life, and sometimes it is messy..I try to be very honest as we are just a normal family trying to figure out life just like everyone else.

Our life has been very busy as usual! We were apart from Jake for 3 long months!! This is the longest we have been apart, and it wasn’t easy.

I know I posted about having surgery on Cope’s ears, but shortly after that we spent 7 out of 10 days at either hospital, ER, or doctor office between the two kids! We have construction going on ( take my advice don't ever do that while your husband is across the world.) Stella was playing outside then jumped on a garbage bag slicing her toe open needing 3 stitches. She was so brave, and I’m thankful for sweet neighbors who probably thought I was insane as I was running out of the house with a baby in a diaper,  and carrying Stella with blood everywhere. My mil came to my rescue to help with Cope as I know I sounded like a crazy lady on the phone. Oh and I went to one of my friends house who is a nurse they just moved into their new house and ran over their sprinklers it went up like fire hydrant.. at that point I wanted to cry, but grateful my friends love me for me lol.. 

Two days later I came down with a 24 hour bug then Cope started puking really bad for 24 hours that ended up admitting us to the hospital. I knew something wasn’t right with him, and I kept battling to go back to the ER (again) but he was so lethargic, and non responsive as the minutes passed I packed up both kids heading to the closest hospital. They immediately took him back, and we had a few hours that were very scary. After meds and two bags of fluids his little body was getting weaker, and his fever spiked really high along with his blood pressure. They felt it was best to transport him to a children’s hospital in order to treat him better (I finally broke down being so tough is not easy.) at this time Jake didn't even know we were at the hospital... We found out he got rotovirus (which is very common in nurseries, schools, everywhere actually) and his dehydration is what got him admitted. After the couple hours Cope was doing better! They just needed to keep him to monitor him to make sure didn’t get dehydrated. I was at such a loss I couldn’t handle one more thing on us, and doing this without Jake was a lot... Jake felt helpless too not being able to be there for me and the kids. We had to stay for 3 days and the parents tagged teamed with Stella so I didn’t have to leave Cope. Funny story because of all the sickness and craziness my laundry had piled up so I ran out of underwear lol when we went to the hospital I had a purple swimsuit on first time in my life this has happened because of Jake taking my clothes to Korea.. so as soon as they said we are getting admitted I’m thinking great my mother in law is going to my house to pack up my stuff, and I am going to have to ask her to grab swimsuits.... so as I sit in the hospital room wearing my purple swimsuit I had to laugh..yup this is my life right now.. 

breaking free!! 

I’m happy to report everyone is better and no more sickness in our household hopefully for another 5 years after all of that! 

During our time apart we also lost a baby. We were not trying, and felt God’s timing had to be better than mine. With our lifestyle I was very scared. I’m a planner and thought no way could I have two under two living overseas.  Jake was over the moon so excited! I finally got excited once the shock wore off and 10 pregnancy tests later. 

I want to share this story because it's too weird for me to still process 4 months later. I believe it was my first Sunday back my dad came over for lunch to spend some time with me and the kids. I asked Stella to pray for lunch. She said "God please give me a baby sister." My dad laughed, and I told her our life is too crazy, Daddy is gone, be grateful for Cope... It was time for nap, and she is saying her prayers again the SAME THING.. "God please give me a baby sister." I got mad at her, and said listen that's not going to happen. We are very content with you two, and life is too hard right now. It's okay to want that, but mommy cannot have a baby right now." She giggles.. whatever... So I left, and thought that was so strange! This was out of the blue, and it made me panic. I had one pregnancy test in my drawer from years ago, and decided just to take it. I walked away to do stuff knowing when I get back it will be negative. Well it wasn't.. I probably blacked out for a few seconds in shock shed a few tears of fear. I was very confused thinking how!! well we all know how, but really how could this happen we don't get pregnant that easy! Somehow Stella knew... 

Unfortunately a few weeks later we lost the baby, and the pain we felt I can’t really describe it... to go through a miscarriage with your husband across the world I was very angry. he was angry.. I was angry knowing baseball took him away, and he couldn’t do anything about it. I know Jake wanted to be by my side more than anything and thought about leaving.. but there was no point I really needed him to dig deep, and do what he is meant to do..I had a hard time getting emotional I felt I had to be so tough, and Jake was the opposite. He would cry on the mound.. It was so hard having to grieve over FaceTime. When I would call it would make him upset seeing me. I’m grateful for an amazing support system who helped us through a really dark time, and definitely one of the hardest times of our marriage. I feel like you aren’t allowed to talk about miscarriages and know why so many woman struggle with depression if you have gone through one because you can’t share your feelings instead have to hide them. 

People are so Insensitive with what they say too.. “well you have two kids, you should be grateful.... something was probably wrong with them.” Ya trust me I am grateful I have two children, and I KNOW exactly what I’m missing out on.. a Stella or Cope.... Jake wasn’t allowed to talk about it or tell anyone because if he pitched bad they would blame that... umm it’s life and life continues during baseball... all Jake and I needed was to be together. Time heals and I appreciate all the support and love we received during that time. My TRUE friends and family were there for us, and really helped. We know we will meet our sweet Grace one day in heaven. I never really feel like God is talking directly to me, but so many little moments I have had where literally on a Sunday Grace was spelled out 3 times in the message out loud, and I sat there holding back my tears knowing it will be okay if I let go of my anger, and trust in the Lord with my baby. A baby at first I really didn't want. I had so much guilt that it was my fault. Then clear as day "Grace" is everywhere. Even in a foreign country where they barely have American words on the way to the field the drive I did everyday two times a day last year I never saw. Then there is "Grace" clear as day. I smile with pain as I pass it, but know Grace is with my brother, and one day I will meet her. We didn't know the sex, but we really think it was a girl. Still every single day Stella is praying for a baby sister <3

Now that it has been a few months, and I’ve been back with Jake that time was such a blur. So much happened so quickly I realized how dark of a place I was in. Our family is doing so good, and the kids are so happy to be back with their dad. Our lifestyle isn’t easy and we are making decisions the best we can for our family the older the kids get the harder it is becoming, but right now I know we are exactly where we need to be! 

SO onto some POSITIVE THINGS because I know that was heavy..We have been here about 6 weeks, and so hard to believe. The day we left Cope had a fever and was sick (again) I thought for sure we weren’t flying-again… It actually ended up helping, and he was so calm snuggling the entire flight. We had a great visit with his parents. We have really enjoyed getting adjusted back to being together, and traveling on every road trip (4 trips so far!)  Jake has been pitching really well! The kids are both obsessed with baseball, and have enjoyed being back at the stadium. Cope is talking more, and carries a bat and ball everywhere. 

Life has been so different here and easier since we are familiar with everything. Our apartment is really nice, and it feels like home this year. The first day we went down to the playground everyone was coming up to Stella and knew who she was. I could have cried.. that is why we fought so hard for this apartment building, and subsidized. We have gone down to the playground every single day that we are in town, and the best thing for them. Stella has her challenges with the language, but ill get into that in the future. 

Thanks for reading and all the love over the last few months! I will do better with posting! <3 happy July!!